SIGH… if my sweet Ken had lived, we would be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this week. It comes on the heels of the 10th anniversary of Ken’s cancer diagnosis, which was last week. In an attempt to alleviate some of the bone-crushing sadness this time of year always brings, I have decided to write about our engagement and our wedding day.
Ken and I became officially engaged in the spring of 1989. We had been dating exclusively for almost a year. We hadn’t mentioned marriage, but I think we both felt like we were headed in that direction. Ken knew I wanted a home and family and he had even stated on several occasions that, “One of these days, I’d like to have a wife and a couple of little rug rats running around”. (I find it sweetly ironic that when Jesse was little, one of his favorite TV shows was called Rugrats.)
One day, we were sitting on Ken’s front porch steps, just hanging out. I think we had just gotten home from our weekly flea market and yard sale excursion. Some couples go to dinner and a movie for their weekly date… we always made the rounds at the local flea market and neighborhood yard sales and then had lunch. Anyway, we were sitting on the steps, talking about nothing in particular, when the conversation turned towards the future. I remember asking Ken, “So where do you think this thing between us is heading?” “What do you mean?”, was Ken’s reply. “Well”, I said, “You know I’d like to have a family… I’m almost 30 years old.” Ken nodded his head, but remained silent. I figured the conversation was over. We sat for a while longer, side by side on the porch steps. Then, Ken leaned over towards me, so that his shoulder touched my shoulder, and quietly said, “I reckon we can get married, if you want to.” I remember looking sideways at him to see if he was serious. We grinned at each other and I said, “okay”. I know it’s not moonlight and roses, but it was SO Ken.
The following week, Ken took me shopping and bought me an engagement ring. Compared to what most young ladies expect now-days, it was relatively small… only a quarter karat. But I adored it and I absolutely loved what it represented. Years later, after our boys were born, Ken bought me a ruby and diamond wrap to go around it. He offered to buy me a bigger diamond too, but I never wanted anything other than the ring he gave me first.
We decided that we would like to be married before the end of that year. Didn’t want it to be close to the Thanksgiving/Christmas crunch time, so we decided on October. Ken suggested, “Hey, why don’t we just have it on your birthday? That would be a great present, right?” I told him that he wasn’t going to get off that easy… he was just trying to make it easier to remember our anniversary! He grinned his “uh-oh, you caught me” grin, and we agreed on October 14th.
I don’t recall a lot of the wedding preparations. We wanted it small… we were both more interested in being married than in getting married. My mama made my beautiful wedding gown, along with the bridesmaids and flower girl dresses. Ken’s family told me, “You’ll never get Robert (Ken’s dad) into a tuxedo!” But, I guess he liked me or something, because he never gave me any lip about it. He went for his fitting with little or no complaint. Truthfully, I believe he liked wearing the tuxedo… he thought he was pretty cute, all dressed up. He was, by the way.
Our wedding day dawned as one of those beautiful autumn days where the sky is just a crystal-clear, sparkly blue. I’ve often said that the weather that day was God’s wedding gift to Ken and me. I got to the church around noon or so, because the wedding was going to be at 3:00. I don’t remember being really nervous until I put on the dress and veil. I guess that made it real for me. Michaelann, my sweet little niece, was adorable in her pink taffeta flower girl dress with rows and rows of lace. She kept running back and forth from the bride’s room to the church and giving me updates on who was arriving. I wondered if she was worried that Ken wouldn’t come, because every time she would announce who had arrived, she would say, “But Uncle Ken isn’t here yet!” Lucky for me, he made it, with time to spare.
When it was time for the wedding to begin, I asked my Daddy to pray for us. He and Mama and I held hands and he asked for God’s blessing on our wedding and on our marriage. Then he held out his arm and walked me to the front of the church where my handsome husband was waiting. I still remember the light in Ken’s eyes as he took my hand.
The ceremony was brief. I remember saying “I do”, but the one line that stayed with me was actually from the ring ceremony. Instead of saying “With this ring, I thee wed”, we said, “With this ring, I pledge my life and my love to you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” It still makes me well up every time I remember that promise we made to each other on that beautiful day.
So, shortly after 3:00 pm on Saturday, October 14, 1989, Ken and I were pronounced husband and wife and presented to the world for the first time as “Mr. & Mrs. Kenneth Wayne Lunsford”. It just felt so perfectly right.
I do not remember much about the reception… just little snippets here and there. I remember Ken’s cousin, Louise, introduced herself to me as his double-first cousin (Ken’s mom and her sister married Ken’s dad and his brother). One of Ken’s uncles hugged me and said, “Well hey there! I’m your Uncle Gordon!” And I remember being very thankful that my Granny was there, because she had to have her gall bladder removed shortly before our wedding and we didn’t know for sure if she’d be able to be there. I remember tossing the bouquet. Sweet little Kelly, the girl who was passing out my birdseed bags, caught it, and about six months later, her daddy, Brian, married Jan, who would become Kelly’s mom and my best friend in the whole world.
When we got ready to leave, everyone started showering us with birdseed. I noticed what looked like some really big and colorful seeds falling over our heads. Closer examination revealed that they weren’t just throwing birdseed, but M&Ms too! Ken’s mom had gotten his nieces to throw M&Ms because she knew they were my favorite candy. I thought it was very sweet, but I also thought it was a waste of perfectly good M&Ms. Maybe they should have just thrown me the whole bag of candy! J
When we got to the car, we stopped in our tracks. Now, I had expected that certain folks were going to “decorate” the car we would leave in. I truly looked forward to it as part of the whole wedding experience. I was not prepared, however, for how thorough they would be. My car was completely covered, inside and out, with silly string, balloons, and Fruity Pebbles breakfast cereal (I still haven’t figured that one out!). We had to take balloons out of the car so we would have room to get in. We hopped in that ridiculously decorated car and took off. And what was our first stop as husband and wife? THE CAR WASH!!! We must have made quite a picture with Ken busy vacuuming out and hosing down the car as I stood by in my wedding dress with the train gathered up in my arms! And we were never able to get all of the cereal out of the car. Several pieces got stuck down in the crack where the windshield and dashboard meet. For years thereafter, people would look puzzled at me and say, "Why do you have Fruity Pebbles in your car?!"
That beautiful day was 23 years ago, but sometimes, it feels like it was just yesterday. Ken went to heaven a month after we celebrated our 15th anniversary. He was too sick that day to go out shopping, so he told me to go and pick out something I wanted. I chose a necklace and matching earrings. To this day, I can’t bear to wear them.
Happy Anniversary, Ken. I am so very thankful that you chose me to be your wife. I love you.
