ex·pend·able – adjective \ik-ˈspen-də-bəl\
(1) easily replaced : not worth saving :
not meant to be saved : to be used & thrown away;
(2) more easily or economically replaced
than rescued, salvaged, or protected.
(Merriam-Webster.com)
Today marks one
month and one week since I was unceremoniously dumped out the back door at my
place of employment. Through no fault of
my own (again), I suddenly find myself on the job market (again). Nothing but praises for my work ethic and the
quality of the work I produce (again). I
am simply a casualty of budget cuts in a shaky economy (again). I am expendable – AGAIN.
Once, just once, I
would like to be the girl that people would fight to keep. The one they would “close this place down
before we let her get away!” I am and
always have been a very loyal employee.
Unfortunately though, when it comes to money (and it generally always
does), most employers do not reciprocate that loyalty. And even though I know for fact that money
was a LARGE consideration in my dismissal this time, I feel that it was
probably my words of caution regarding several unilateral changes causing
sweeping turmoil which ultimately decided my fate. I was a conscience that someone did not want
to hear.
There are several
real reasons why I am so upset at being on the job market again at this point
in my life:
- I am 56 years old and there are a go-zillion younger, more attractive, more energetic people applying for the same jobs, and they are willing and able to accept those jobs for less money than I can afford to take.
- I am fat, and fat people have to work twice as hard to convince most employers that they are desirable and dependable workers. I am not whining, it is just the way things are in this appearance-obsessed world in which we live.
- Friends my age are talking about retiring. At the rate I am going, I will be at least 95 years old before I can even consider retirement. I was out of the workforce for many years, caring for my children and then caring for my terminally-ill husband. I do not regret a single one of those days of staying home, but now, those years out of the workplace are working to my disadvantage.
- Just one week prior to my dismissal, I had to attend the funeral of my very best friend. Heartbreak following the death of a dear one is not exactly conducive to searching for a new job.
- I am just ever-loving TIRED of having to start over and be low-woman-on-the-totem-pole again.
So, now I am put in
the position of having to beg people, most of whom are younger and less
experienced than myself, to give me a chance.
It is EXHAUSTING.
I fortunately am
blessed with many people who are sincerely praying for me as I search for the
new direction my life will take. I do
not pretend to understand what God is doing in this situation. My feelings have been terribly hurt and my
anxiety about being unemployed is very high.
His response to my anguished cries has been from the beginning, “Trust
Me.” That is what I am trying to do. I am more successful some days than
others.
