This post is written in loving memory of my best friend, Janet Lynn Morris Benefield.
Wife of Brian Benefield, Mother of Kelly Benefield Carmichael,
Mother-in-law of Stephen Carmichael, Nana of Elizabeth & Sean Carmichael,
Daughter of Joe & Joy Morris, Sister of Jayne & Julie Morris.
She was a wonderful woman with a beautiful soul.
I have heard it said that good friends are hard to
find. Most people have only a few
friends that they would consider to be their “best friends”. It is my experience that if a person is
fortunate enough to have a best friend, that friendship transcends time and
space and endures through separation of miles and years. Some friendships form instantly-the kind
where individuals meet and feel an immediate and profound kinship with one
another. They feel like they have known
each other their entire lives. Other
friendships form more gradually. Acquaintances
spend time with each other, many times due to shared interests or mutual
friends, realize they have much in common, and a deep and lasting connection
forms. However the friendships begin, they
are bonds that cannot be broken. I am
blessed to have had such a friend. She
was truly my BFF – my Best Friend Forever.
I met Jan through another friend, (I’ll just call
her “M”) who was Jan’s co-worker at Erlanger Hospital. Jan was having some folks over to her house
to hang out and watch movies. M asked Jan if she could bring me and Jan, being
the gracious soul that she was, said “yes”.
Incidentally, M also brought Ken Lunsford with her that night, so in the
space of a few short hours, I met the love of my life, as well as my future
best friend. Sadly, my friendship with M
was not the lasting kind, but I will be forever grateful to her for taking me
with her that night.
A couple of months after meeting Jan, I was going
to have some friends over to my apartment for a chili supper. One of the guys who was coming was Brian
Benefield. I had met Brian at church and
we had dated a little - before God smacked me in the head with Ken
Lunsford. ;) M was coming and made the suggestion to
invite Jan. See, M was very good at
matching other people up, just not as successful at matching herself with
anyone. Anyway, I thought it was a great
idea and told her to invite Jan. We
introduced them to one another, and though I was busy being hostess, I did
notice them talking to each other quite a bit.
About a month or so after my chili supper, I was
talking to Brian one night at church.
Out of the blue, he said, “You know I sent Jan flowers, don’t you?” Well, no, I didn’t know… hadn’t heard a thing
about it. As soon as I got home that
night, I called M and said, “Did you know that Brian had sent Jan
flowers?!” To which M replied, “Is THAT
who sent them? Jan was thinking someone
was playing a trick on her!” It seems
that Brian had signed the card, “From a friend”, leaving Jan to puzzle over who
the “friend” might be. Once M and I
spilled the beans, Jan called Brian to thank him. The rest, as they say, is history. Ken and I got married in October, 1989, and
about six months later, in February of 1990, Jan and Brian made their own trip
to the altar. I have always loved the
fact that I met my husband at Jan’s house and then Jan met her husband at my
house.
From that
point on, Ken and I, and Jan and Brian starting spending lots of time together. We were all close in age, and being
newlyweds, we had a lot in common. We
also all attended the same church. We
just gradually became really great friends.
Just before our first vacation together (we vacationed together almost
every year until Ken got sick), Jan suggested that we bring our niece,
Michaelann with us, so that she and Kelly, their daughter, could keep each
other company. The connection between
our families only deepened as Michaelann and Kelly (Sweet Pea and Kelly Sue)
became very good friends as well. When
Jesse and Benjamin entered the picture, we knew that our relationships were too
close for the boys to call them “Mr. and Mrs. Benefield”, so they became “Uncle
Brian and Aunt Jan”.
If I were to try and write all the memories of my
friendship with Jan through the years, it would certainly be a book, not a blog
post. They have been swirling around in
my head constantly since Jan made her journey home to heaven in October. Her absence has turned these memories into
treasures because they are all I have left now that her sweet spirit is gone
from this world. To honor her memory, I
will list a few of the strongest and/or sweetest ones.
·
Jan
bought a gift for baby Jesse to give me on my first Mother’s Day. She figured that it probably wouldn’t occur
to Ken (he was a man, you know) that he might need to take care of that. It was only a poster, but her thoughtfulness
touched me deeply.
·
Jan so lovingly cared for us when we were in the
hospital to have Benjamin. Even after I
rattled her nerves by almost passing out on her, she quickly recovered and took
wonderful care of us throughout the birth.
Because I had a C-section, “Aunt Jan” got to hold Benjamin first. She bundled him up and brought him close so I
could kiss him. She talked about how he
looked like Jesse. She is the first one
to notice his dimples. When I couldn’t
hold him in the recovery room due to a severe case of shivers from the
epidural, Jan happily took Benjamin down the hallway so she could show off
“our” new baby.
·
When my Granny died, Jan kept Jesse and Benjamin
at their home so they wouldn’t have to go to AL and be around all those people
they didn’t know and see everyone so upset.
Instead, they got to spend the time having a “camp-out” in Aunt Jan’s
living room.
·
When Jan got her BSN degree, Ken and I let Jesse
and Benjamin stand up in their seats and scream “YAY AUNT JAN!” at the top of
their lungs as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. It was at UTC arena and there were a
go-zillion people there, so I know she couldn’t hear them, but we were all so
proud of Jan’s achievement and the boys loved being able to be a part of it in
that way.
·
At Jan’s pinning ceremony, it was just the
sweetest thing watching Kelly pin her mom.
Even though Jan was not Kelly’s biological mother, she was her mom from
almost the first time they ever met.
Jan’s heart accepted that sweet girl as her very own, regardless of
DNA.
·
On the day we received Ken’s cancer diagnosis,
Jan stayed on the telephone with me through more than an hour of sobbing and
screaming. I don’t remember that we even
had much conversation, but she did not hang up the phone until she was sure I was
calmer.
·
The day Ken died, Jan stayed with me all night
long. She had already had her first
stroke by then, and being in places other than her home made her very nervous,
but she did not want me to spend that first night alone. We didn’t talk much, but her loving presence
was such a comfort.
So, so many more memories… maybe I will get to them another day. The thing I remember most is how Jan loved me and my family for all those years. In the ten years since Ken died and the boys and I moved to AL, Jan suffered with many devastating health issues. It broke my heart to see how she struggled. I can honestly say that the one true regret I have from moving to AL is that I wasn’t close enough to be more help during Jan’s last years. She knew how hard it was for me to be in Ringgold without Ken and she understood why I left. I am just sorry that I moved away from her. And even as I write that, I can see her smiling and hear her telling me to quit beating myself up about it. That is the kind of loving and understanding person she was. She was truly my “best friend forever”. I miss her with my whole heart.
