Back Again

Recently I have felt the urge to blog again. I know I said that I would end once I finished the story of Ken’s illness and death…and I did…for a while. But now, for some unknown reason, it feels like I should continue.

I had the blog made into a book. I titled it Through Shadow Into Light. Ordered copies for Jesse and Benjamin, plus a couple to share. Strangely, though, the “sharing” copies haven’t been used much. It seems that not many people are interested in reading it. “Too sad”, is the reason I hear most. And, yes, it IS sad. But it is also sweet and touching and I think it could help people understand how a terminal illness like that can affect a family.

I wonder why people are so afraid of being sad. It is like they will do whatever they can just to make sure they can avoid tears and keep smiling. If they encounter someone who is sad, they feel they are duty-bound to try and cheer that person up. But sometimes, being sad is the most appropriate thing a person can do in a given situation. And (believe it, or not) IT IS OKAY TO BE SAD SOMETIMES!!! I was watching a Christmas movie on TV in December, and one of the characters made the statement, “Sometimes you just need to sit still and be sad.” I totally agree. But I realize that my sadness makes most people very uncomfortable. So, I determine which ones it bothers and adjust my attitude and discussions accordingly. I think it’s that way for most grieving people. They feel like they have to cover up their feelings at times for the comfort of others.

Anyway, I thought that maybe I should just start a new blog and give it another name to keep it separate from the first story. But, I’m still “Sammi”, and it is still going to consist of things I say, so I guess it will stay “Sammi Says”. For the ones of you who don’t know the story, Sammi is a family nickname I gave myself when I was little. It seems everybody thought I sounded so cute when I said my name, that they would ask me what my name was over, and over, and OVER. Mama says one day I had evidently had enough of it, because when the next person asked, “What’s your name?” I looked them dead in the eye and said, “Sam”. I’ve been Sammi ever since.