I have really been dragging my feet about writing about Ken's surgery. One reason is that it pulls up a whole lot of scary, dark feelings that turn me all inside-out. The other reason is that I simply cannot remember a lot of what occurred that day. I even pulled out my journal from that time to help refresh my memory, but the entries describe very little of those events. They mostly just say how scared and sad I was. I’ll do my best to piece it together.
We had to be at the hospital early–around 7:30 a.m., I think. Ken’s surgery wasn’t scheduled until 9:30 or so, but they wanted him there early to get him ready. My journal says that my Mama, Michaelann, David, and his wife all came the night before the surgery. My Daddy came up for the surgery the next day. I think David's wife may have kept the boys at home during the actual surgery. I know that they didn’t go to school that day. Jesse, poor thing, was so worried and scared, he was making himself sick. No way he could have made it through a whole day of school. Benjamin was worried and scared too, but just didn’t know how to express it. His anxiety came out in perpetual motion. Not just the kind you usually see from boys his age, but a more frenzied type. Like if he sat still for a minute, he would dissolve in a heap. He would turn flips, spin round and round in the floor, pace from one room to another. Even when he was standing still talking to you, he would swing his arms back and forth. (He still does that to this very day when he’s worried or nervous about something.) I’m sure from the outside looking in, people who didn’t know what was going on would think he was hyperactive. But it was absolutely anxiety-driven. Thank goodness he had an understanding teacher.
I don’t think we went to the same place for pre-op as we did the first time. I know for a fact we didn’t go into that tiny little room with the woman who didn’t smile. We had gone the week before for all of Ken’s blood work and stuff, so they basically just had to sign him in and have him change into a gown. Not sure if we were in the same waiting room either.
I do not remember what Ken and I said to each other before they took him to the surgery suite. If I had to guess, I’d say we didn’t say much of anything. We were both so scared and exhausted by then, it was a real effort to even put a whole sentence together. I’m sure Pastor Keith was there and probably prayed for us, but I just don’t remember. I guess Dr. Valle spoke with us before the surgery. . . again, I can’t recall.
I do remember that the nurse called about 45 minutes after they took him into surgery saying that they had Ken all prepped and sedated and that Dr. Valle was ready to begin. Since Ken had no hair anywhere on his body now and they didn’t have to shave him, prep time was much shorter this time around. She said she would call periodically and let us know how things were going. We settled in to wait.
What I said and did that day, as well as who I saw and spoke to. . . that’s all completely gone from my memory bank. I know that the boys were there at least part of the day because we all (me, Jesse, Benjamin and Michaelann) started coloring a kitty-cat poster to pass the time. I finished it during the next ten days that we lived at the hospital. I would color to keep from screaming while Ken slept fitfully and tried to recover. I still have the poster–it hangs on the wall in my closet. It’s a little blotchy in places. . . teardrops and markers don’t mix. :(
After what seemed an eternity, Dr. Valle came to let me know that the surgery was over and Ken was in recovery. He had removed Ken’s entire stomach and his spleen. The ligaments between the stomach and spleen had drawn up, making it hard for Dr. Valle to get good margins on the spleen. He said Ken could live without a spleen, so he just went ahead and removed it too. He also removed several lymph nodes for biopsy. He said he didn’t see any cancer on any of Ken’s other organs, so that was good news. But, he added, there could be microscopic cells he wasn’t able to see. That’s why the biopsies. They would be taking Ken to Intensive Care from the recovery room and would let me know when I could see him. The nurse in the waiting room told us we should go to the ICU waiting area now. So, we gathered up our stuff and headed that way.
As soon as we got to the ICU waiting room, it seems like everyone who had been waiting with me sort of vanished. I think David and his wife had to go on back home that night, and I guess Michaelann went with them. Mama was going to take the boys home since they wouldn’t be able to see Ken anyway. All of Ken’s family left too. I guess it was a good thing everybody left, because the waiting room was PACKED!!! The only thing we could find to sit on was a padded bench with no back. Mama asked me who was going to be staying with me that night. I remember looking at her with a really puzzled look and saying, “Nobody, I guess”. It had not even occurred to me that I might need someone to stay with me. When Daddy heard that, he said that he would stay. Bless his sweet heart, he had been planning to go on home that night, but he told Mama that there was no way he would let me stay up there by myself. Daddy and I finally found two reclining chairs in the children’s waiting area. I told the desk attendant where we would be and we settled in for the night.
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