I need to back up just a little. . . after everyone left, but before Daddy and I tried to settle in for the night, ICU called and said that they FINALLY had Ken in a bed and I could come up and see him for just a minute. It took them so long to get him out of recovery and into an ICU bed, it was well past the final visiting session by the time they called.
Daddy and I went up to ICU. My heart jumped when I saw Ken. He was so pale and gaunt. . . he honestly didn’t look alive. I ran to the bed to make sure he was breathing. The nurse tried to wake him up, but he was still very heavily medicated, so he barely even opened his eyes. I looked down and saw that his hands were tied to the bed. I asked the nurse why he was restrained. She said that when he had begun coming to in the recovery room, he had yanked out his breathing tube and his NG tube. They tied his hands down to make sure he wouldn’t pull out any of the IVs.
Knowing how upset Ken always got whenever he thought I wasn’t there, I said, “When he wakes up and finds his hands tied down, he is going to be scared. Can I please stay with him until he wakes up?” “No”, the nurse said FIRMLY. I persisted. “Please let me stay. I promise I won’t be a bit of trouble. I don’t even need a chair. I’ll just sit down in the floor in the corner over there. He’s going to need me here when he wakes up.” “No”, she said again and went on to recite “hospital policy” to me – “we can’t make exceptions for one family or we’ll have to make exceptions for EVERYONE”. Yeah, yeah, yeah. . . I knew she was right, and I knew it made sense, but what I knew most is that I needed to stay with Ken. She showed no signs of relenting, so I kissed Ken’s bald little head, told him I loved him and that I would be just downstairs.
Daddy and I had been resting with the lights out for about 45 minutes when the ICU desk attendant stuck his head in the door and said, “Mrs. Lunsford? Your husband is awake and VERY agitated. They want you to come up to the unit and see if you can get him to calm down.” DUH!!!!!!! Hadn’t I just finished telling them this would happen? I took off running up to the unit.
I could hear Ken hollering when I got to the door. I ran in his room and he was wearing a look of sheer terror on his face. He was relieved to see me, but was so upset. I did my best to soothe him – held his hand, stroked his face, begged him to calm down. He was in such a state that it took about ten more minutes before I think he finally realized that he was okay. He kept saying, “Where were you? I couldn’t find you! They wouldn’t let me come find you!” It was SO heartbreaking – it reminded me of a child waking up out of a nightmare screaming for someone to come and rescue him. I kept on trying to comfort him until his breathing and heart rate went back down to normal. He asked me if I was going to stay with him. I looked at the nurse, who shook her head emphatically. I tried to sound cheerful as I said, with an aching heart, “No, Baby, I can’t stay with you in the ICU. But they are going to take really good care of you. And you’ll probably be asleep anyway. I’ll see you first thing in the morning.” Ken looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, “But I want you to stay.” He sounded so hurt and abandoned. I kissed him and said, “You sleep now. I love you and I’ll be back tomorrow morning.” He nodded his head, but I could tell he wasn’t convinced. I sobbed my way back to the waiting room.
Ken only stayed in ICU for a day and a half, but it was the worst day and a half of any he ever spent in the hospital. He was so agitated at me not being there, I think he was causing real problems for the nurses. Thankfully, he was doing well enough physically that one of the interns (I can’t remember if it was Dr. Schlabach’s intern or Dr. Valle’s) decided to go ahead and send him to the step-down unit. I tried to tell them they should have let me stay.
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