Unexpected Turn

I took Jesse to see the Developmental Psychologist, in hopes of getting a medical diagnosis of Asperger’s so the county school system would have to offer him services. When we went in, they handed me about three “parental observation scales” to fill out while they did vitals on Jesse. I filled them all out and we waited to see the Dr. They called us back and the Dr. began a thorough physical exam on Jesse. He also was asking Jesse questions about school and the difficulties he had been experiencing. Initially, I was very impressed with the Dr.’s thoroughness and professional manner.

After the physical exam was finished, the Dr. sent Jesse back to the waiting room so that we could talk. He asked me what I thought about the idea of an Asperger’s diagnosis. I told him that I believed it was dead-on. He sort of smirked and said, “Okay, if that’s what you think, we’ll let that diagnosis stand, but what’s really going on is that Jesse is BIPOLAR. Now, imagine if you can, how that felt. I had only just come to terms with the fact that my child was what the world considered disabled. Now this man, who had only ever spent about 30 minutes with Jesse, was telling me that he was severely mentally ill. I started feeling flushed and my senses seemed to narrow down, so I probably did not hear everything else that the Dr. said. I do remember hearing him say that he wanted to start Jesse “right away” on a drug called “Abilify”. Talked like it was the greatest medication on the planet.

I think by this point I was actually speechless because the Dr. said, “I can see that this wasn’t what you were expecting to hear. Do you need a couple of days to think it over?” (Well, DUH!) I nodded my head and hurriedly headed to the door. The Dr. said, “Once you’ve thought about it, you’ll see that I’m right. Give me a call and we’ll get Jesse started on that medication as quick as we can!” I paid the bill, grabbed Jesse and headed for home. Trying to make it home without totally breaking down in front of Jesse was extremely difficult, but somehow I managed it. It’s a good thing Ken wasn’t home when we got there, because it took the better part of an hour for me to calm down enough to discuss anything sensibly.

I told Ken what the Dr. had said. I explained, as best I could, what Bipolar Disorder was and what that would mean for Jesse’s future and our future too. Ken was as upset as I was. He ABSOLUTELY did not want to put Jesse on any medication (which didn’t surprise me, considering how he was with his own meds). I told him that I needed to do some research before we could make a truly informed decision. I got online and started scouring the internet for any information about BPD and Abilify. There was a lot of information – so much, in fact, that I was completely and totally overwhelmed. The more I tried to read, the more physically ill I became. I finally had to stop. I put all of the info into a file folder and put it away. What were we going to do now?