This post quotes several of my journal entries. It makes my heart hurt to try and explain them or to give a frame of reference as to what was going on during those days...so, I will just let them speak for themselves.
Chemo went okay, but Ken’s back has been hurting worse today than usual. He won’t take anything – STUBBORN MAN! He should have stayed home, but he insisted on going to church. He’ll probably feel fairly rotten the next couple of days. They’ve scheduled his next bone scan for October 18. I’m afraid if the results aren’t any better than the last one, Ken will just give up. (Melinda’s Journal, September 29, 2004)
Ken is getting worse. Now, in addition to his back, his leg has begun hurting. He can barely walk on it. He felt so bad that he passed up one of his cousin's legendary cook-outs. Not sure if he’ll be able to go to church in the morning – too many stairs. (Melinda’s Journal, October 2, 2004)
Ken had a really rough night. Up and down all night. He finally asked for some Lortab around 5:00 a.m., but had to crawl to the bedroom because he could not walk on his leg. He finally slept for about 3 hours. Stayed home while the boys and I went to church. It broke my heart to go without him. David Carlock brought him a walker. It seems to help. Ken asked again tonight for some Lortab. He hurts – he’s discouraged – he’s scared – I’m scared. Things are moving too fast. I’m not ready. (Melinda’s Journal, October 3, 2004)
Ken is still not able to bear weight on his leg. And now he is coughing up phlegm with traces of blood. We went for blood work today and when I told them what was going on, Dr. Schlabach sent Ken for X-rays of his chest and leg and then an ultrasound of his leg veins. There is no blood clot now, but she said his blood is “sluggish”. We’ll have to watch carefully for any signs of swelling or red streaks. Haven’t heard the results of the X-rays, but Dr. S. went ahead and prescribed some antibiotics. More and more stuff to look after.
Both boys cried about their Daddy tonight. Think it’s just sinking in that Ken is getting worse. Poor kids – this is so hard for them. (Melinda’s Journal, October 6, 2004)
Ken had another horrible night last night. So much pain and despair. He’s trying to come to terms with the fact that he’s not getting better. Is wearing a kind of hopeless look these days. Took ‘til 3:00 a.m. to convince him to take some Lortab. I didn’t want to leave him alone, so we didn’t go to church. By this afternoon, he was feeling some better, so I left him long enough to take the boys to their counseling appointment. It seemed to help them both. Ken’s seems a little better now – maybe he’ll be able to rest. (Melinda’s Journal, October 10, 2004)
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