We went to the funeral home for a final viewing (I had decided to have a closed casket at the funeral) and to follow the hearse to the church. I had reserved two family cars, but for some reason, nobody wanted to ride in them. I think Mama and Daddy and maybe Michaelann rode with the boys and me (and maybe Ken’s mom – I can’t remember). Everyone else went in their own cars. As we followed behind the hearse, all of the cars on the other side of the road stopped for the funeral procession. I remember thinking to myself, “Yes, it is fitting that they should stop. It feels like my world has stopped too.”
Going into the church is pretty much a blur. I remember the funeral director telling us to wait until they got the casket straight in the aisle before we came down...something about having to make a “tight turn” around the back pew. (Again...why would I remember something as trivial as that?!) My sweet Daddy walked down with me and held my hand and Mama walked down with Jesse and Benjamin. I think the church was full – again, it’s a blur.
The service itself was very touching. Our music minister, David Marshall, and our pianist, Pat Boatman, sang God on the Mountain and What a Day That Will Be. I remember Benjamin crawling up in my lap at one point. It was so hard for my sweet boys to have to face the future without their Daddy. Keith did a wonderful job. He talked about what a good man and what a loving husband and father Ken was. It came from his heart, because Keith wasn’t just our pastor, but he was our friend. I had asked Keith to be sure and present the Plan of Salvation because Ken and I both had unsaved family members who would attend the funeral service. I even told him he could extend an altar call if he felt led. The service honored Ken the way I wanted it to and it left people with a message of hope.
As the final part of the service, I had asked them to play Fly Again by David Phelps. Such a beautiful song about one of God’s saints going home. I had first heard the song shortly after Ken had been diagnosed. It became a huge comfort to me because it was almost as though it had been written with Ken in mind. I wanted it to be the last thing people heard before the service ended. Even now, when I’m missing Ken or having an extra sad day, I will play that song as a comfort and a reminder to myself that Ken is okay.
Fly Again (Lyrics and Music by David Phelps)
His trembling hands held the church pew that day…
Struggling to stand when they asked him to pray.
With wisdom and strength his words were spoken.
But his body grew weary for his wings were broken.
But he will fly once again. He will soar with his wings unfolded.
Hear the angels applaud, as he rides on the wind to the arms of God.
And he will fly, he will fly again.
And on that day when he left for the sky,
I saw him smile as he told me goodbye.
No more would he weep for missed tomorrows.
No more would he suffer in this land of sorrows.
But he will fly once again. He will soar with his wings unfolded.
Hear the angels applaud, as he rides on the wind to the arms of God.
And he will fly, he will fly again.
I know that he’s in a better place.
I still dream of the day when I’ll see his face.
then we’ll embrace, and...
We will fly once again. We will soar with our wings unfolded.
Hear the angels applaud, as we ride on the wind to the arms of God.
And we will fly, we will fly again…we will fly…again.
The graveside service was brief. I remember that the sun was shining. When the service was over, people kept hurrying me to the car. I think they didn’t want me to see the men set the lid on the vault and cover the grave. I guess that is another one of those things that some people are bothered by. I can’t see that watching them cover the grave would have been any worse than seeing the backhoe waiting and the guys with shovels leaning against the trees a few graves over.
Following the graveside service, we went back to Boynton Baptist because our church family had prepared dinner for us. After that we had to go back up to the sanctuary and decide what to do with all of the plants and flower arrangements. I gave either one or two big peace lillies to the church. The rest, I was going to divide up between whichever family members that wanted them. One person, not even a family member–but a “significant other” of a family member was laying claim to just about every single arrangement there. I finally had to tell her that she could have what was left after Ken’s family (specifically his mom) and my family had chosen the ones they wanted. SIGH...people can be so thoughtless sometimes.
That’s about all I remember about funeral day. The most important thing I remember is that I was satisfied with the way we had paid tribute to my sweet, darling husband. He would have probably laughed at all of the fuss and “hoo-hah”, but I think he would have liked the end results.
Portrait painted by Jolee Shelby: artist, friend,
and fellow Boynton Elementary Media Center Volunteer
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