Visitation

The visitation was set from 6:00 to 9:00. I figured three hours was plenty of time. The family was supposed to get there at 5:00 so we could have a private, family visitation prior to the public one. I told them that I wanted to see Ken first, by myself. Then I would take Jesse and Benjamin in, if they wanted to view Ken’s body. After that, I would take his parents in. When we had all been in, then the rest of the family could come in as they wished. I got several questioning looks when I told everybody how it would be, especially when I said I would go in alone to begin with. I just wanted it to be quiet and respectful. I was afraid that if the whole family went in together, it would turn into something less than I thought Ken deserved.

It is hard to explain how I felt when I saw Ken’s body again. They had dressed him in blue jeans, his “Five Star Dad” tee shirt, and a long sleeved shirt, just as he had dressed while he was alive. He was, of course, bald from the chemotherapy. And, since I forgot to tell the funeral home that those whispy little whiskers on his face were the remnants of his beard, they had shaved him smooth. I remember making mention to someone, “Awww, they shaved his beard.” Whoever I told went straight to the funeral director and must have kicked up a fuss, because she came rushing in apologizing over and over, asking what they could do to make it up to me. I told her that it wasn’t their fault – I forgot to tell them. If you hadn’t known that Ken usually wore a beard, there was no way you would have known that the whiskers he had left weren’t just from not shaving while he was sick. She told me that they would give me some memorial book marks with Ken’s picture and obituary on them. I said, “Sure, that would be fine”. They ended up giving me a dozen book marks. I think I still have at least half of them in the cedar chest.

I had told Jesse and Benjamin that they could go in and see their Dad’s body if they wanted to, but they didn’t have to. I explained that he wouldn’t look the same as they remembered him because his spirit wasn’t there any more. They both said they wanted to go in, so I took them each by the hand and we walked up to the casket. I told them they could touch their Dad if they wanted, but that his body would be cold, and that wasn’t anything to be scared about. I told them that they could talk to Ken if they wanted to. Jesse said, “Why would we do that, Mom? That’s not Dad.” As young as they were, both boys “got” that what was left was only a physical shell and that the Dad they knew and loved had already left and gone to Heaven.

When it was time to start the public visitation, there was already a line of people out the door of the funeral home. I have never seen so many people come to a visitation. It was a constant stream all night long. So many people came, in fact, that they had to add pages to the back of the guest book. A couple of times, Ken’s mom tried to get me to let her sit up there so I could go in the back and rest (as if anyone could rest in the midst of the “funeral party” that was going on). While I wouldn’t have minded her sitting up there with me, I told her, “No, if these dear people thought enough of my sweet husband to come to see me, then I am going to speak to every single one of them”. And I did. People had come from all over. Many from our extended families, dear friends, our church family, our former church family, teachers from Benjamin’s and Jesse’s schools, even some of Ken’s renters came. It was a very touching tribute showing just how much Ken was loved. It was a great comfort.